By Dr. Hami Lawton
It’s 4.50am.
My daughter is awake and she clearly would like the whole neighbourhood to know about it. She’s going to turn 3 in just under two months, so lucky for us, her vocabulary has come about in leaps and bounds and she can now vocalise her every need and want; “I want to go downstairs!” is what we hear on repeat for the next hour, each demand yelled louder and with much more intensity. I could easily stop the yelling, get her from her cot, and take her downstairs and start the day, but, as her mother, I know what is best for her. I know that she has a long day ahead at daycare, she will be learning new things, socialising and embracing new skills. She no longer day naps, so ahead of her is over 12 hours of stimuli and sensory overload. She will be exhausted physically and depleted mentally by the end of this day, so for now, I keep her in the calm, quiet, dimly lit cosines of her room.
As a mother and an interior architect I am acutely aware that I use the physical environments around my children to help influence their actions, their behaviours and moods. I know that certain environments trigger and over-stimulate my kids, turning them from little angels to raging hulks. But I also know that certain environmental conditions can help calm their nervous systems, encourage certain behaviours and positively influence their wellbeing.
On the days that my daughter is not at daycare, I will, come midday, encourage my daughter to have some quiet time, or as many parents around the world refer to it as, “down-time.” And I use the environment to encourage this quiet time. I will darken the room, draw the curtains and close the blinds. I will let her lay on the ground or on the lounge, sometimes curled up in a blanket. We will engage in low-stimulating activities like reading books, drawing and colouring, or watching something quietly on TV. Sometimes I will burn some essential oils (my favourites are waratah flower, lemon ironbark, lavender, and siberian fir) to help de-stress and ground her. The room is dimly lit and quiet, and in the darkness, her little body and brain rests.
The impact of this space on her overall wellbeing is substantial. And we can see the impact of space on physical and psychological rest and recovery in other contexts. There is significant research around reducing cognitive activity (brain rest) in those recovering from concussion (brain rest protects the brain from mental stress as it restores its normal function). Recovery from a concussion doesn’t necessarily mean sitting in a dark room for weeks, but it does involve limiting cognitive activities that require high levels of concentration, eliminating time spent on screens (including tv and phones), limiting exposure to bright lights, going slow and engaging in calm activities such as reading, drawing, or playing quiet games.
We can also learn environmental lessons from children with ADHD, Autism or Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). These children easily become overwhelmed with different sounds, lights, sensory information and environmental stimuli. Again, there is a significant body of research around how the environment around these children can be used to help regulate emotions, encourage self-regulation and calm emotions. In both classrooms and homes, a dedicated “quiet corner” or sensory chill out room will help children attend to their sensory needs in a controlled environment. “One way to help children learn how to self-regulate is by providing them with calm down corners. A calm down corner is a designated space in a home or classroom with the sole intent of being a safe space for a child to go to when they feel their emotions are running too high and they need to regain their emotional and physical control. These spaces are equipped with comforting objects and soothing materials that can promote mindfulness, breathing and reflection.” (actionforhealthykids.org).
So what can we all learn from the practice of toddler “down-time” and why is this important or applicable for adults? Because, like toddlers, we live, work, play and dwell in a world that overstimulates and overwhelms us, and we urgently need to find the quiet spaces in our everyday to reset ourselves, to re-center our bodies and recharge our brains. We are all capable of creating the conditions for this daily practice to occur. Take a walk in nature, find a quiet spot to sit and ground oneself, find a dimly lit space and close your eyes for a couple of minutes. Use the space around you to help you disconnect and retreat back to yourself, if only for a short time. Like the approach with my daughter, screaming out at 4.50am in morning to start her day, perhaps the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to stay a little longer in the calm and the quiet.